10/6

A few beautiful words from some very special people I have met through the craziness that is the internet have taught me that no matter where you are from or who you are, there are amazing people out there who will become your friends no matter the distance and will accept your messages and your ideas and build you up. Thank you especially to Jenna and Ada, who proved the world was always a lot smaller than I thought. Its not really about the content or their praises or their thougths on the story I wrote - it's about the details they went to and the extents of their words.

When you come home to this kind of thing, your bad day doesn't seem half as bad

(From Ada, my friend and supporter since the beginning, on the subject of her sister's illness (she suffers from MS) and my own struggles)
Dear Hannah (aka Mango-chan ^_^),

I, personally, appreciate your honesty and openness, but more than that, I
pray that you are able to overcome these trying times. You have been a
wonderful friend as well, and I am sure that sooner rather than later you will
be able to bless those around you (in real life) with your wonderful company,
and your ability to make people smile with the same ease and beauty that you
have made us anonymous readers/friends/fans smile. Believe it or not, whether
it's through exchanging emails or sharing these stories, you have made so many
people's day, and hell, maybe even week, or month. That, my friend, is a
gift, and you should never, ever belittle it, dismiss it, and/or take it for
granted.

I know these are difficult times for you, but my hope is that after everything
is said and done, you will pull through and not give up. If you do, it will
only make you stronger, but that does not mean that you have to do it alone.
If you ever feel like talking, or emailing, or anything, you know how to find
me. ^_^ You're are a wonderful friend, an incredibly talented writer, and,
simply put, a beautiful individual, so hang in there. To lose you to the
darkness would not only be a shame; it would be a waste, and a tragedy, for
you have sooooo much to give, so much to offer, so many things you can become,
and so many things you already are. We need more people like you in this
world, so I know you can do it. Take all the time you need, even if it goes
beyond February. Those that really care for you will really understand, and
support each and every decision you make to overcome this. Always remember
that.

Your Friend,

Ada (aka Perpetual)

From A reviewer:

Holy...

I'm practically speechless - well, perhaps stunned is a better word.

This entire story was so amazingly beautiful that, I kid you not, I actually felt breathless at the end. The entire plot-line was beautiful; The characters were beautiful; The language was beautiful - all of it, almost overwhelmingly so.

I read the author's note, stating that some reviewers were much confused during the story. I just felt that I should point out, that the confusion could not have come from anything lacking in your writing talent. I was not confused throughout - although there was a certain mystery surrounding everything, but that mysteriousness made this fic that much more alluring.

I wish I could explain how much I absolutely loved every one of these chapters in more detail, but the ending has left me with a sort of mystified peace... which leaves my thought process lacking.

...If I were to describe my opinion of this story in two words, I would have to say, "Breathtakingly Beautiful".

 

From a Reviewer:

This story is by far one of the most exceptional I've read. Without violence, you've managed to implicate threat and worry. This story pulls powerfully at every possible emotion. It is written so simply and so layered as to be remembered as one of the truly flawless, and in its presentation is far more than the sum of its parts.

Very few errors, of both the literary and canonical variety, and the story flows very well. Each piece is presented, savoured, and slowly passed away, ensuring each event is powerful and moving, but never lingered on too long. I find it simply amazing at how much of this story is implied amd inferred. The ending is painful, but such is the beauty of the story. If it were ever to be changed, the beauty, passion, and perfection would all be marred.

Truly magnificent story.

 

From Bumblemark - a very cool kid from the Phillipines who left me the LONGEST message EVER. He also got SO MUCH of what I was trying to convey, the themes I felt were the most important - his review is one of my favorites because I finally understood what it meant to show what you felt through your writing.

 

yeah... i'm pretty angry at myself for waiting till not to review

it's just that i the entire thing on my psp, and it's really annoying to type things on that.

well can't really express in words how i feel about this fic.

you said you poured your heart into this... and i couldn't help but believe it.

I read fluff, i write fluff, i know fluff. But i know i couldn't in my current ability be able to write truelovefluff. The way you write is astounding... er no scratch that. It's too vague :P. it really is beautiful.

the emotion you bring out of your story nearly overwhelming. I admit i teared... ok i cried several times during the fic. I swear i thought up at least several ideas for one-shots/stories. but i'll put those aside for now.

there's just so many moments that haunt me by the end of it. The whole time when Hinata felt alone, i knew Naruto was just as lonely. Though he maybe in his own world, his familiar world, but he didn't have his wife. Hinata missed her world, but she didn't know what she was missing out on, didn't know the pain of pretty much loosing your loved one. Naruto did. I think that's what got tears in my eyes at first. When you finally intro-ed this idea, it was amazing. i 'teared' some more lol. Her confession was heart-felt, so sincere and earnest.

It just goes to show how good you are. There are many things people have yet to experience or have knowledge of, and for you to be able to write it and make the readers feel as if we'd know how it feels... that's just incredible.

Then when you wrote the scene where Hinata told Naruto he was hers. that scene will forever be apart of my favorite scenes i've read. The way you can almost comprehend something as crazy as love, something so difficult to put in words. Really made me think what writing is about haha.

I really do believe this fic is underated. I always thought reviews meant great stories, but i've seen plenty of arguements against that. This one doesn't get enough recognition. I can easily compare this fics with those of 'Twice Shy' and most of 'Lord of the Land of Fire's naruhina fics just because you can write in a way that creates a bridge for us readers to cross. That we can create a strong emotional connection with the characters so easily.

There's just too many things i wish to mention. To many characters that have been portrayed amazingly. Unlike most authors, you chose to extend that strong emotional connection with many other characters. You brought in Lee, though he made a brief appearance, the strong connection was quickly made and not forgotten.

You're portrayal of so many characters were great... but the greatest of all would definitely be your main characters.

Hinata was wonderful. her shy nervous and sometimes frantic nature was made in a way that suited her greatly. But what got me was the fact that you SHOWED us how she evolved to become the wife Naruto knew she would be, the wife that she was. Their relationship was ideal, but not perfect. they fought, but they also made up. There was hurt and pains, but their was comfort and healing.

The theme of the story was constant. It's concern of freedom, love, bonds, and all of it were great.
but aside all those deep stuff, the fluff was great!

I'm a fluff lover. I write relatively popular fluff one-shots, but it never gets old to read more. Out of all the fluff i read, many of them are pretty simplistic and not too original. A lot of the best keep it original and make it just as compelling. Shawny W. and WanderingWanderer/Sleepwalking101 are proof of that. That flash back chapter of how Naruto and Hinata met was a great example. It was Hinata, but it was your Hinata. There was no trying to perfecting Hinata's little idiosyncrasies, it was natural and fitting for the Hinata that was in your fic. It was cute and heartwarming.

i can go on forever, but that'd be to much.

I'll end it with this.

Thank you for writing such an amazing fic and for all the inspiration you've given me and many of your other readers.

I wish you the best and hope to read more from you in the future!

-Bumblemark

ps. I hope this one long review makes up for my lack of reviewing the other chapters :)

pss. Instant fav :)

( i hardly ever check all three boxes of alerts and favs haha. Really go check my fav/author list. Pretty slim compared to others and chosen wonderfully.. to my taste haha)

As you can see, there is something to be found if you go looking for it. These people know how awesome they are by my ridiculously sappy replies, but really, they brighten my life even when I'll never see their faces. Its not about the praise they gave me but the heart they gave it with. They showed me what it's like to bridge the gap of time and space and give me such real, heart-felt messages. I have never seen them, don't know where they are from or their family lives, but for a moment we were able to exchange happiness - I gave them a story and they returned it with words of affirmation and of gratitude and of something I can only describe as fellowship through writing and reading and the community that can be.

We hardly ever see this with our friends and family members - this unadulterated eagerness to connect with others and exchange thoughts and words and positive messages - we see in person, but these people took time to watch me and follow my progress and give me such beautiful, thoughtful, kind words.

Thank you to everyone - I hope I can learn to be as giving in this kindess as you have taught me is possible.

:)

 

10/2

SWEET MARMALADE.
Already December? UH. When did that happen?

But it's gonna be Christmas time and everyone loves CHRISTMASSS >:D

So, re-reading these posts has been absolutely ridiculous. Gosh I can just whine up a storm, can't I? And articulation is sometimes not my thing, believe it or not.

I don't really know what to talk about, so I guess I'll find something productive to do and then talk about it later...or well, I don't know.

I am doing a writing challenge right now that's pretty fun - The 10 Days challenge. It's been pretty cool, I SUPPOSE. Today's challenge is Nine confessions about yourself and yesterday's was 10 things you wish you could say to 10 different people right at that moment.

I'd share with you but it's a SMIDGE intimate and only a few of my friends would know where to look D:

When I get doen with Tuesday, I'll probably share on the FB or something sassy like that. Today I looked hot. Bowie shirt for the win.

(CONCEITED MUCH?)
So, you should all go check out Julie King's Blog 'never going back to okay' because I'm making you and her break-up text to Satan will make you laugh profusely. She's such an incredible girl. I think that our friend Anastasia should make a blog, Julie, if you ever read this.

SO MANY LAUGHS TO BE HAD AT HER ANTICS.
But seriously, Anastasia is amazing. She's from Russia and she always dresses however she feels like it and is never afraid to laugh at herself or ask a question. She's the cat's pajamas (A cat named LUKE?).

She also dreams of oneday going to save dolphins in Australia- because she's adorable like that.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO WRITE. I'M HYPER AND READY TO GO TAKE A FREAKING AWESOME NAP.

xoxo,
Hannah

Dear Zachary: Something Beyond A Film

They say that movies are supposed to move us - they are supposed to create something that we can't find ourselves through the eyes of another human being.

Never before have I been so affected by a movie.
Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About his Father is perhaps one of the most incredible, brave, heartbreaking, uplifting, amazing, faitful, beautiful, movies ever filmed, if not the most.

I won't spoil any true details because those aren't important - just what you need to know.

The documentary begins about a man named Andrew Bagby and the woman who killed him.
He was shot five times - twice in the buttocks, once in the face, once in the leg, and once in the back of the head - by his ex-fiance.

A little later it is revealed that she is pregnant with Andrew's son - Zachary.

From there it develops until you are left with the results, and after you watch it, maybe like me, you won't ever feel the same way about the relationships we have right now.

What the movie ends with is something so powerful you can't hardly believe you watched something as raw and as moving as what this movie does to you.

It is not a film - it is a real-life definition of grief, of bonds beyond the boundaries of physical worlds and time, of friendship, of what it means to be a family, and what it means to fight for someone you love, of anger that is so real and of something else I can't quite explain.

This film is the documentary of one man who decided he wanted to make something for his friend, and then for his friend's son, and then for the rest of the world.

You can't sum up this movie, you can't honestly review it.

If there was ever a movie that anyone should watch, it is Dear Zachary. You won't be the same.
It will test your faith, it will test your capabilities of empathy and understanding.

But in the end, there is something there, some recognition that love exists in its truest forms and is never, ever forgotten.

9/28 Learning As I Go

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, today I had a bad attitude after school.

It happened - there's something about Collins Crew that never fails to make me feel completely disgusting. It is full of intimidating personalities and it is very easy for me to start getting insecure.

I have as much right to be there, yet I feel invisible and strange. Like no one could possibly understand me - I'm just too strange. I try very hard to be nice, even when I got defensive with a girl who probably didn't deserve it I apologized profusely, but still.

I don't know. It is a very serious organization as far as what you have to do, and a lot of it involves a lot of time. I didn't think it was going to be that serious; the sponsors are kind of intense and the social atmosphere, like I said before, is very intimidating.

I didn't get home till later than usual, and with a volleyball game at six I knew that if I let it linger in my system I was going to be miserable. So I took a shower and did my hair.

Its funny how a little confidence in your appearance can make it seem better - like, sure, those girls may or may not think I'm worth talking to, but at least my hair looks nice.

Funnily enough, I thought Collins Crew would be good for me - that it would make me feel better about myself, that I would get to display my goofy side without feeling stupid, but the exact opposite is true.

It's very hard for me to come out of my shell during Crew because I feel so dominated and insignificant.

But, I'm one to overthink things.

The game was good though, because I had people I really love there, and it was a lot easier. I vented to one of them and she listened so patiently and I came SOOOO close to apologizing about all my negative crappy feelings, but then I remembered that's what friends are there for. I'm starting to get the whole social side of things I guess - that its okay to unload those kinds of feelings and not feel like you're being selfish or being uncaring for the other person.

As long as you are willing to do the same, most people are glad to listen to you.
It made me feel so much better about myself.

I still feel awkward around most of the Crew people though, and I feel as though the only way that will change is if I change myself, which wasn't what my idea of Crew was.

:<

Anyway, there's a singer I love, her name is Leona Naess and she has a song called 'Learning as We Go'. It's my ultimate go to when I've had a bad day because it talks about not having your shit together, but being okay with that because everyone has weird days, but we just try to roll with the punches we're thrown and trust that it'll all come out in the end.

Even if people hide their darkness, it is there; inherently as humans we are no better than one another. No one has a good day, every day. That darkness is secure and it is a place we can all run to.

It makes me feel reassured about having a bad afternoon.

Thanks for listening to my stupid crap.

xoxo,
Hannah

QOTD: is it more important to be shy or conform?

See You In Heaven - My thoughts on Christian High Schoolers

Today I encountered a good friend of mine who is in charge of a pretty cool organization - and he asked me what I thought of 'See You At The Pole', and if you don't know what that is, I will give you a brief synopsis:

High Schoolers and there families (if they choose to brave the early time and humidity) gather around their local school flagpole: religion ensues and Jesus time is had by all and it is a nice thing.

Now, this friend and I have briefly touched on my thoughts on our High School's organization for Christian students - and I told him what I thought:

FCA meetings and See You At The Pole leave me dissapointed.

There are a lot of reasons for this that keep me from attending these kinds of events; I've gone several times and each time I left I felt like I had lied.
There is this sense at those meetings for someone like me, this sense of judgement and a facade of sincerity. I want to see past it, but it is one of my human flaws that it is hindering me in this way. I want to be happy for the members there - I want them to find success, I wish them no ill will, I hope that the organization blossoms and that it does wonderful things, but I don't see any heart behind it. Not a heart for Christ - not the genuine kind I am used to.

In my youth group we are so tightly wound together that I am assured constantly of who it is about - how it is about Jesus, not about me. (that's our Youth Group's motto this year - our theme).

I'm such a hypocrite; you can call me whatever you want, but I feel this way.
I feel so phony standing there at the flag pole; the people around can see it so clearly, they see us for who we are we are like the Priests of old times, caught up in our petty traditions, forgetting that we are no better than those not around the flagpole.

It's at the flagpole that I feel this ovewhelming urge to ask "Why the hell are we here?" Why are we wasting our time with this, showing people what we are and what we're all about - and then we're just going to turn around and be complete jerks? We'll judge them - say that they're going to hell, say that it's our job to save them and bring them to the light, like we're worthy of this occupation.

Because it's my favorite word this year, the whole ordeal is pretentious and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Our Christian school organizations are selfish - it does nothing but build up young Christians to the idea that involvement in something like See You At The Pole gives you that free status to be whatever you want, but at least you're better than them.

"At least I was there."
"At leat I took a tardy for Jesus."

Great. Good for you.

I didn't feel anything out that flagpole - I felt God, but when I did I felt like I needed to leave.

But I'm selfish - and I want to keep my God to myself sometimes.

At the end of the day, I will rant all I want, but I can't knock the cause, just the people enacting it.
I'm all for God, Jesus, exultation. I'm also for a smidge of humbleness, something that walking into class late for won't do.

Today in youth I realized that it's wonderful that I am a good person, that I have integrity and character - but that's not what it's about. It's about the grace of God that saves me and there's nothing I can Do to create that grace or manipulate it.

Did any of that make a lick of sense?
I mean, there are exceptions to all of those rules, JEEZ LOUIS.

I can't even get it out properly. It just doesn't work for me and I think it's stupid and fake - there I said it.

I think it's about publicity, not about God. Just saying.

A lot of it is about me too - which is just the opposite. But this is just a commentary I guess, even a commentary of myself, because I WAS THERE, submitting to what I thought was wrong, and maybe I'm completely off, so please prove me wrong.

I have trust issues, I'm the first to say that: I don't feel like I could tell anyone there at that flag pole ANYTHING (except Whitney and Carolena, but they are very large exceptions), but other than that - HECK NO.

Why should I trust them? They haven't demonstrated anything to me.

Gosh, and now people are going to think I'm mean.
I'M JUST TRYING TO VENT MY FEELINGS SO THAT MAYBE SOMEONE CAN GIVE ME ADVICE OR GIVE ME A NEW POINT OF VIEW BECAUSE THE ADVICE I'VE GOTTEN ISN'T WORKING.

GAH.
My feelings are so mixed because I know I am worthy of critisicm for these thoughts, that I seem blighted and blind to what it's about and I'm sure people will tell me that I'm just as pretentious - go ahead.

At least I'm honest about it.

xoxoxo,
Hannah

PS: You know who you are, good friend of mine, and I hope I didn't offend you - I really mean well, it's just all coming out horribly. //OTZ

9/12 Do Guys think I'm FoxyHawt?

So, I didn't get in as much trouble as I thought I would...this is a good thing.

But now I'm worried about other things, like if anyone will ask me to homecoming. I sometimes worry I come across as cold to guys - my last boyfriend I mistreated because I was in a bad mental place (DEPRESSION. IT MAKES YOU A MEAN PERSON TO PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT YOU) and even though I apologized and we are now back to being really great friends it really made me rethink how I act around boys. My mom was telling me how all these guys in high school and college that she's friends with now told her that they liked her and how completely taken she was by that.

I don't want that. I don't want to miss out on a relationship with a boy who is a genuine person because I was too cold or my standards were too high and that made him too scared to ask me to go out with him.

I don't know. It would just be really special if a guy asked me - I know that sometimes I'm a bit stuck up because I think I'm more mature than other people, but it would be really special to me.

I will make it clear that I don't want a horribly crazy commitment this year. It's not what I'm looking for. If I got a boyfriend it would totally be because we like each other and we want to spend time together and have a blast, but be VERY AWARE that college is ahead and that Senior year is NOT about being serious to the extent that I choose him over my school.

But just because I don't want to marry someone doesn't mean I don't want a boy to tell me that I am his first choice for homecoming...but I worry too much. Whatever will happen will happen, but this is just one of my girlish moments of angst - you know, the typical 'no one likes meeeee!'

ANYWAY,
sorry that this was a total whinefest. Ever since my Bffl got a bf I've been a little bit more sensitive about boys - I don't think it's because I'm jealous, I just think it's because sometimes I let my insecurities get the better of me and I compare myself to her a lot more. I've always said having a skinny best friend was God's biggest practical joke, but HEY, MORE OF ME TO LOVE.

:>

xoxo,
Hannah

QOTD:
So, what do you think is better? Having a lasting relationship in high school or having several fun ones?

9/8

Sorry I haven't posted in a while - things have been kind of swimming around in my head for a long time. I have a lot of things I want to talk about, but I tend to think of them right there in the moment and forget, so I'm going to have to start writing topics down.

Today I'm going to get real with you guys - I'm about to be grounded. I probably am going to lose my car, but I'm going to try and get my laptop taken instead (because, yes, HT is that kind of person) for the sake of practicality.

So what did I do?
I lied, for like a week. I pretended I took something to the Insurance agency, but I didn't. Because I got lost on the way there originally and I couldn't bring myself to tell my flaws. Two other people besides my family were involved with this lie. It's not the first time I've done something like this.

I am paralyzed by mistakes. We live in this society where mistakes aren't really tolerated - we are immediatly tossed out if we slip up; in school anything less than 10th percentile is considered a failure, grades are the same way. It's like all or nothing, especially in my school culture.

I'd like to shed a little light on you people who are vying for your first slots and cutting yourselves down for your placements in the class rank. I'm talking to you Whitney and Mel and all you other stupid people who complain about your 40th and 61st or 55th or whatever placements:

Stop being a teenager. It doesn't matter.
Now, to clarify, I realize that they were really only concerned right then, but still, how stupid and IMMATURE can we teenagers be? We are so dumb. We think that this stuff is SO important for our futures, but really we're just wallowing in our own misery for no reason.

That's exactly what my problem is. I'm wallowing in my misery because I'm to scared to face the fact that I'm NOT a robot - I'm a person with flaws who does things that are wrong. I am a very selfish person, I try to save my own skin, especially at home, ninenty-nine percent of the time. I lie, I have a problem with it.

When people at school tell me how great I am it just adds to this fear of rejection if I fall short of their expectations - the same goes for GPA's and essays and blah blah blah. I want to just rip my hair out and scream at them all that I'm not going to get it all right and I'm going to have to take regulars classes and I'm not so great at everything and it's okay because I'm a well-rounded, mature person about it.

But I won't because I'm a coward and there's another part of me that is stuck being a child because I denied myself all emotion for two and a half years and now suddenly I have to deal with them again.

I wish I was the person everyone at school thought I would be. I wish I didn't feel like I was faking it to them constantly; as if they could really know me and see the train wreck I am.

(hysterically enough people will praise me for admitting this - they'll hail me as humble or something like that)
Don't. Just accept me for who I am.

Another thing I'm having to realize about myself is that I can't blame everything on anyone else all the time. It's ridiculous - I am SO selfish. I don't even believe myself sometimes. No one likes to admit their faults but I'm so petrified I can't even bring myself to look at the problem and solve it; I just ignore it until the shit hits the fan and then we're all screwed. I don't mean to be that way, it just is the way I'm wired and I'm trying to not make as many excuses about it. I just have to deal with it. It's hard to understand what my parents or what my elders say when they just tell you to deal with it. When we're young everything seems catastrophic or elating because NONE of us are adults who can see the world for what it is. That's why I think they should raise the voting age, among other things, because really, what do I know about American society if I haven't really lived in it yet? I've been confined to this small sliver of the world.

God, I'm naiive - and I look at my peers and I think that they're so together, but then I realize there is NO WAY that they could be. They are in for just as rude an awakening. They have no idea, there's no way. They haven't lived it. They act like veterans of college - I don't even know where I'm going yet. Why am I forced to know so fast?

*GAH* Stress.

Just because I'm flawed doesn't mean I don't sympathize - I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings. I just finally understand that I have to deal with this because I'm not going to be a teenager forever and the whole dynamic of the world is about to shift and I have to be ready or it's going to just leave me.

I just wish people stopped pretending they weren't scared or anxious - that they'd stop making its eem like all the pieces of the puzzle are magically falling into place for them.

Just because I'm flawed doesn't mean that I'm not compassionate or that I love anyone any less. It just means I need God more than ever and that I need to figure this shit out or I'm going to get crushed by my own hands - I am my biggest enemy and that bad part is winning right now.

xoxo,
Hannah

PS: If you see me picking me my thumb at school, yell at me. It's cool. Just do it. :>

9/3: Disney

*Disclaimer: CONTAINS HIGH AMOUNTS OF FLUFFY SAPPY GOODNESS*
Okay, I know I'm a hopeless fangirl, so here's my post for today: yet another gush about Disney, aka some of the best storytellers on this planet.

Yes, they skew the original plots, and YES, sometimes we wonder if that really is 'pc' by today's standards, but in the end they are amazing at what they do - which is give people of all ages that timeless romanticism that they miss day to day.

My favorite Disney movies are movies that I watch OVER AND OVER AGAIN. ALL THE TIME.

The scores alone keep me coming back - Pocahontas having one of the most brilliantly mastered soundtracks of any movie I've ever seen, and Hunchback not far behind - the music of both are so moving it will reduce you to tears if you're not careful.

Today I spent a lot of time sleeping because I'm out of commission atm with a nasty virus and dehydration, but after watching 'A Little Princess' I just watched tv, but my brain kept wandering to Disney. If I'd had any determination at all to move from the couch I would have immediatly gone to youtube to scour it for HQ versions of my favorites.

My imagination suits me fine as well though, because Disney has this uncanny ability to spark so much from just an hour of animation. My biggest problem is the romance.

I could write a book on why Pocahontas and Kocoum should have ended up together. They are by far, the most overlooked possibility ever. I mean really - what the movie failed to recognize was that because of Pocahontas's inherent resentment towards that foxyhawt Native counterpart of hers it wouldn't have been smooth sailing at all for them to be together. I contrive these fantasies of them as children, all sorts of scenarios that lead to their ultimate respect and eventual love for one another. That is always more beautiful to me than the frantic love of John Smith and Pocahontas. Yeah, they were old souls together, but KOCOUM IS SO BEAUTIFUL. And loyal and devoted and serious and DREAMY.

If anything he deserved to LIVE and get Nakoma at least.

The other is Peter Pan - gosh wouldn't it just be amazing if Peter Pan decided to grow up and stay with her? *HEART-THROBS*

Anyway, as I listen to the 'Farewell' score of Pocahontas (go look it up - it's too gorgeous for words) I am flooded by these girlish romantic thoughts.

I need to write some sort of drabble before my head explodes!

xoxo,
Hannah

9/2

I think I'm coming down with a cold.
I'm all stuffed up and my throat is all scratchy, etc. etc.

Today nothing especially exciting happened - there were no real observations that I found worth recording for you guys, but maybe tomorrow something exciting will happen.

I love the rain - it's so peaceful. It's like the neighborhood encompasses the whole planet and I focus on what's going on outside. I've always wondered where birds sleep when it rains - do they sleep in bushes or nestled up against trees? Where do all the animals go? Do they do what they normally do or do they wait, so still and patient, for it to pass before they begin again?

Do animals sleep when it rains? Do the predators choose not to hunt?

I don't know - the therapy of rain is something that I think about often.

Has anyone read The Remains of the Day? We read an excerpt in English and it looked romantic. I haven't read a good romance in a while, especially since onemanga went down and now I can't have my daily dose of sugar encrusted shoujo...Kazuo Ishiguro(?) also has another one of his novels being made into a movie right now called "Never Let Me Go". It seems like something Whit and I would go see, haha!

It's British and Sappy, what more can a girl ask for? Maybe I should look into it...*thinks*

I need to look up my vocabulary words for English tomorrow too, now that I think about it. I really am excited for English to get going - the reading list looks good, even if tone is hard to pin down. SO FRUSTRATING. I don't know how its supposed to be objective when you're deciding the tone to something - isn't it strictly an interpretation? I don't know. //orz

ANYWAY: the vocabulary list for English is AWESOME! Such cool words! I can't wait to look them up.

It's stopped raining. I hope it starts again before I go to sleep.

(Question of the Day) QOTD: What's the most pretentious thing you've seen at school so far?

xoxo,
Hannah

Evolution: the perfect way to alienate your audience

So, I'm in Bible Lit. It's a cool class - very discussion based. It makes me feel smart, especially because my main purpose for taking the class is actually quite legitimate in comparison with some of my peers.

I'm taking the class to see The Bible as a defining literary work - one that influenced art, music and the books following. Over 40% of allusions are Biblical in nature and a lot of works are not easily comprehended if you don't know them. Anyway, it's important if you want to be an English person like me, BLAH BLAH BLAH.

SO ANYWAY.

In this class there seems to be some kind of confusion as to what it means to NOT TALK ABOUT SOMETHING RELIGIOUSLY.

I am all for Religion, but I am also a citizen of the United States and I am also Thomas Jefferson's biggest fangirl, so the Constitution is SERIOUS BIDNESS.

It is CONSTITUTIONALLY INCORRECT TO MERGE CHURCH AND STATE.
This does not mean I am condemning Religion or I hate Jesus or that I am ashamed of my faith.
America was founded on the principles of having and worshipping a God or higher being and the moral standards that came with it, so that isn't really the problem.

The problem is stupid people who think they are always right, but they aren't.
You can't say things like "I BELIEVE GOD DOESN'T WANT US TO SIN. EVAR. IT ARE WRONG  AND YOU WILL GO TO HELL." when the question is "How does a creation story give a society a firm foundation?"

Acceptable answers:
- because it gives them a sense of security that a higher power is in control of what can appear to be uncontrollable events such as moon phases, seasons, etc.
- because it lends this higher being benevolance to know that they were created by them
- because it gives them a sense of moral responsibility or obligation to that higher being

AND MANY MORE.
I just want to slam my head on my desk - or their heads. GOD is an important thing, yes, but so is not taking advantage of other people's liberties, which INCLUDES THE GOD-GIVEN RIGHTS OF MAN THAT CANNOT BE SABATOGED BY HUMAN IGNORANCE.

Some people just don't get it. You can see my teacher being driven crazy by how she has to respond.
I dont know, it's obviously more important to follow God - and that is to preach his word - but I don't believe in the creation story as a literal translation on the emergance of man or our universe anyway, so it all just bugs me, and they were all going on about how evolution wasn't true, which had nothing to do with the intial subject. The point of the above is that God gave me a mind and I'm trying to use it, and I'm sick of people clouding what could be viable information because they are so hung up on the Jesus part and not the point of the class. YOU CAN INTERNALIZE THE THEOLOGICAL PART PEOPLE. OR GO TO SEMINARY. LORDY.

But now that I'm thinking about it, I want to just get my beliefs on evolution and the creation story dilemma out of the way. Creation Story: I think it's strictly metaphorical and as I said before, it was made to lend God the credit of what he DID DO, but on a more comprehendable level for the people at that time.

I'm just going to say it now so there isn't any question:
I believe that evolution is an indesputable truth that can be proven more than it can be disproven. If you think that it didn't happen, I totally respect your opinion, but you will never change my mind and in some ways you are going to look a little less intelligent in my eyes for various reasons.

1. Because it's true.
2. Because you are insulting my God.

Let me explain:
As a believer in God I am expected to think God capable of all things - I am to exhault his every work.

By denying evolution, are you saying MY GOD is INCAPABLE of taking millions of years to slowly perfect and create something so unique and precise as a human being? You don't think that MY GOD could have been so meticulous, so caring in his development of us that he literally pulled us from the ocean and poked and prodded and watched and waited and stretched our minds and our capacities and watched us struggle under his hands so that we could eventually be concious enough to be with him?
What greater art can there be? He pulled us out of 'the dust, the earth'. It doesn't specify what that was. He molded me out of a fish or a monkey? FANTASTIC. I am in dominion of them because I was among them and he selected my species because he saw my potential and the relationship we were capable of. It took him millenia to sculpt my universe and he is still growing it - he is a master craftsman whose work is never done.

So much new life is created and taken away; these galaxies that spin so precariously close the edges of destruction, who are so finely tuned and set that they are mobilized to awe me and inspire me countlessly.

Billions of years of billions of stars and He gave them all to me He gave me the capacity to study and revel in the creations of a GOD who takes his time and does it right. Who watched me develop legs, who watched me shed feathers, or walk upright. Who sparked in me a desire to be something greater. A GOD who placed, by some intricate science that cannot be recorded with such inspiration in any book or by any word of man, in me something as profoundly small as an atom and as big as Jupiter.

I can't believe that evolution didn't happen.
I can't belive that The Big Bang didn't happen, or that all these other strange and beautiful things of science COULDN'T exist.
They are a celebration, some great defining stroke of paint on a canvas that has yet to be fully interpreted.

You call MY GOD a liar. You call him a cheat - you say that he couldn't select by hand the best of each species and watch it flourish.

You say its too crazy to believe, that it is insulting to think God could do something like that because a few words you have translated from a strictly literal sense.

How could you expect anything less than what God has placed right before our eyes.

You know what else is too crazy to believe? That he would give up his son to be nailed to a cross for idiots like us.