Friends, Romans, Countrymen, today I had a bad attitude after school.
It happened - there's something about Collins Crew that never fails to make me feel completely disgusting. It is full of intimidating personalities and it is very easy for me to start getting insecure.
I have as much right to be there, yet I feel invisible and strange. Like no one could possibly understand me - I'm just too strange. I try very hard to be nice, even when I got defensive with a girl who probably didn't deserve it I apologized profusely, but still.
I don't know. It is a very serious organization as far as what you have to do, and a lot of it involves a lot of time. I didn't think it was going to be that serious; the sponsors are kind of intense and the social atmosphere, like I said before, is very intimidating.
I didn't get home till later than usual, and with a volleyball game at six I knew that if I let it linger in my system I was going to be miserable. So I took a shower and did my hair.
Its funny how a little confidence in your appearance can make it seem better - like, sure, those girls may or may not think I'm worth talking to, but at least my hair looks nice.
Funnily enough, I thought Collins Crew would be good for me - that it would make me feel better about myself, that I would get to display my goofy side without feeling stupid, but the exact opposite is true.
It's very hard for me to come out of my shell during Crew because I feel so dominated and insignificant.
But, I'm one to overthink things.
The game was good though, because I had people I really love there, and it was a lot easier. I vented to one of them and she listened so patiently and I came SOOOO close to apologizing about all my negative crappy feelings, but then I remembered that's what friends are there for. I'm starting to get the whole social side of things I guess - that its okay to unload those kinds of feelings and not feel like you're being selfish or being uncaring for the other person.
As long as you are willing to do the same, most people are glad to listen to you.
It made me feel so much better about myself.
I still feel awkward around most of the Crew people though, and I feel as though the only way that will change is if I change myself, which wasn't what my idea of Crew was.
:<
Anyway, there's a singer I love, her name is Leona Naess and she has a song called 'Learning as We Go'. It's my ultimate go to when I've had a bad day because it talks about not having your shit together, but being okay with that because everyone has weird days, but we just try to roll with the punches we're thrown and trust that it'll all come out in the end.
Even if people hide their darkness, it is there; inherently as humans we are no better than one another. No one has a good day, every day. That darkness is secure and it is a place we can all run to.
It makes me feel reassured about having a bad afternoon.
Thanks for listening to my stupid crap.
xoxo,
Hannah
QOTD: is it more important to be shy or conform?
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
See You In Heaven - My thoughts on Christian High Schoolers
Today I encountered a good friend of mine who is in charge of a pretty cool organization - and he asked me what I thought of 'See You At The Pole', and if you don't know what that is, I will give you a brief synopsis:
High Schoolers and there families (if they choose to brave the early time and humidity) gather around their local school flagpole: religion ensues and Jesus time is had by all and it is a nice thing.
Now, this friend and I have briefly touched on my thoughts on our High School's organization for Christian students - and I told him what I thought:
FCA meetings and See You At The Pole leave me dissapointed.
There are a lot of reasons for this that keep me from attending these kinds of events; I've gone several times and each time I left I felt like I had lied.
There is this sense at those meetings for someone like me, this sense of judgement and a facade of sincerity. I want to see past it, but it is one of my human flaws that it is hindering me in this way. I want to be happy for the members there - I want them to find success, I wish them no ill will, I hope that the organization blossoms and that it does wonderful things, but I don't see any heart behind it. Not a heart for Christ - not the genuine kind I am used to.
In my youth group we are so tightly wound together that I am assured constantly of who it is about - how it is about Jesus, not about me. (that's our Youth Group's motto this year - our theme).
I'm such a hypocrite; you can call me whatever you want, but I feel this way.
I feel so phony standing there at the flag pole; the people around can see it so clearly, they see us for who we are we are like the Priests of old times, caught up in our petty traditions, forgetting that we are no better than those not around the flagpole.
It's at the flagpole that I feel this ovewhelming urge to ask "Why the hell are we here?" Why are we wasting our time with this, showing people what we are and what we're all about - and then we're just going to turn around and be complete jerks? We'll judge them - say that they're going to hell, say that it's our job to save them and bring them to the light, like we're worthy of this occupation.
Because it's my favorite word this year, the whole ordeal is pretentious and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Our Christian school organizations are selfish - it does nothing but build up young Christians to the idea that involvement in something like See You At The Pole gives you that free status to be whatever you want, but at least you're better than them.
"At least I was there."
"At leat I took a tardy for Jesus."
Great. Good for you.
I didn't feel anything out that flagpole - I felt God, but when I did I felt like I needed to leave.
But I'm selfish - and I want to keep my God to myself sometimes.
At the end of the day, I will rant all I want, but I can't knock the cause, just the people enacting it.
I'm all for God, Jesus, exultation. I'm also for a smidge of humbleness, something that walking into class late for won't do.
Today in youth I realized that it's wonderful that I am a good person, that I have integrity and character - but that's not what it's about. It's about the grace of God that saves me and there's nothing I can Do to create that grace or manipulate it.
Did any of that make a lick of sense?
I mean, there are exceptions to all of those rules, JEEZ LOUIS.
I can't even get it out properly. It just doesn't work for me and I think it's stupid and fake - there I said it.
I think it's about publicity, not about God. Just saying.
A lot of it is about me too - which is just the opposite. But this is just a commentary I guess, even a commentary of myself, because I WAS THERE, submitting to what I thought was wrong, and maybe I'm completely off, so please prove me wrong.
I have trust issues, I'm the first to say that: I don't feel like I could tell anyone there at that flag pole ANYTHING (except Whitney and Carolena, but they are very large exceptions), but other than that - HECK NO.
Why should I trust them? They haven't demonstrated anything to me.
Gosh, and now people are going to think I'm mean.
I'M JUST TRYING TO VENT MY FEELINGS SO THAT MAYBE SOMEONE CAN GIVE ME ADVICE OR GIVE ME A NEW POINT OF VIEW BECAUSE THE ADVICE I'VE GOTTEN ISN'T WORKING.
GAH.
My feelings are so mixed because I know I am worthy of critisicm for these thoughts, that I seem blighted and blind to what it's about and I'm sure people will tell me that I'm just as pretentious - go ahead.
At least I'm honest about it.
xoxoxo,
Hannah
PS: You know who you are, good friend of mine, and I hope I didn't offend you - I really mean well, it's just all coming out horribly. //OTZ
High Schoolers and there families (if they choose to brave the early time and humidity) gather around their local school flagpole: religion ensues and Jesus time is had by all and it is a nice thing.
Now, this friend and I have briefly touched on my thoughts on our High School's organization for Christian students - and I told him what I thought:
FCA meetings and See You At The Pole leave me dissapointed.
There are a lot of reasons for this that keep me from attending these kinds of events; I've gone several times and each time I left I felt like I had lied.
There is this sense at those meetings for someone like me, this sense of judgement and a facade of sincerity. I want to see past it, but it is one of my human flaws that it is hindering me in this way. I want to be happy for the members there - I want them to find success, I wish them no ill will, I hope that the organization blossoms and that it does wonderful things, but I don't see any heart behind it. Not a heart for Christ - not the genuine kind I am used to.
In my youth group we are so tightly wound together that I am assured constantly of who it is about - how it is about Jesus, not about me. (that's our Youth Group's motto this year - our theme).
I'm such a hypocrite; you can call me whatever you want, but I feel this way.
I feel so phony standing there at the flag pole; the people around can see it so clearly, they see us for who we are we are like the Priests of old times, caught up in our petty traditions, forgetting that we are no better than those not around the flagpole.
It's at the flagpole that I feel this ovewhelming urge to ask "Why the hell are we here?" Why are we wasting our time with this, showing people what we are and what we're all about - and then we're just going to turn around and be complete jerks? We'll judge them - say that they're going to hell, say that it's our job to save them and bring them to the light, like we're worthy of this occupation.
Because it's my favorite word this year, the whole ordeal is pretentious and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Our Christian school organizations are selfish - it does nothing but build up young Christians to the idea that involvement in something like See You At The Pole gives you that free status to be whatever you want, but at least you're better than them.
"At least I was there."
"At leat I took a tardy for Jesus."
Great. Good for you.
I didn't feel anything out that flagpole - I felt God, but when I did I felt like I needed to leave.
But I'm selfish - and I want to keep my God to myself sometimes.
At the end of the day, I will rant all I want, but I can't knock the cause, just the people enacting it.
I'm all for God, Jesus, exultation. I'm also for a smidge of humbleness, something that walking into class late for won't do.
Today in youth I realized that it's wonderful that I am a good person, that I have integrity and character - but that's not what it's about. It's about the grace of God that saves me and there's nothing I can Do to create that grace or manipulate it.
Did any of that make a lick of sense?
I mean, there are exceptions to all of those rules, JEEZ LOUIS.
I can't even get it out properly. It just doesn't work for me and I think it's stupid and fake - there I said it.
I think it's about publicity, not about God. Just saying.
A lot of it is about me too - which is just the opposite. But this is just a commentary I guess, even a commentary of myself, because I WAS THERE, submitting to what I thought was wrong, and maybe I'm completely off, so please prove me wrong.
I have trust issues, I'm the first to say that: I don't feel like I could tell anyone there at that flag pole ANYTHING (except Whitney and Carolena, but they are very large exceptions), but other than that - HECK NO.
Why should I trust them? They haven't demonstrated anything to me.
Gosh, and now people are going to think I'm mean.
I'M JUST TRYING TO VENT MY FEELINGS SO THAT MAYBE SOMEONE CAN GIVE ME ADVICE OR GIVE ME A NEW POINT OF VIEW BECAUSE THE ADVICE I'VE GOTTEN ISN'T WORKING.
GAH.
My feelings are so mixed because I know I am worthy of critisicm for these thoughts, that I seem blighted and blind to what it's about and I'm sure people will tell me that I'm just as pretentious - go ahead.
At least I'm honest about it.
xoxoxo,
Hannah
PS: You know who you are, good friend of mine, and I hope I didn't offend you - I really mean well, it's just all coming out horribly. //OTZ
Sunday, September 12, 2010
9/12 Do Guys think I'm FoxyHawt?
So, I didn't get in as much trouble as I thought I would...this is a good thing.
But now I'm worried about other things, like if anyone will ask me to homecoming. I sometimes worry I come across as cold to guys - my last boyfriend I mistreated because I was in a bad mental place (DEPRESSION. IT MAKES YOU A MEAN PERSON TO PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT YOU) and even though I apologized and we are now back to being really great friends it really made me rethink how I act around boys. My mom was telling me how all these guys in high school and college that she's friends with now told her that they liked her and how completely taken she was by that.
I don't want that. I don't want to miss out on a relationship with a boy who is a genuine person because I was too cold or my standards were too high and that made him too scared to ask me to go out with him.
I don't know. It would just be really special if a guy asked me - I know that sometimes I'm a bit stuck up because I think I'm more mature than other people, but it would be really special to me.
I will make it clear that I don't want a horribly crazy commitment this year. It's not what I'm looking for. If I got a boyfriend it would totally be because we like each other and we want to spend time together and have a blast, but be VERY AWARE that college is ahead and that Senior year is NOT about being serious to the extent that I choose him over my school.
But just because I don't want to marry someone doesn't mean I don't want a boy to tell me that I am his first choice for homecoming...but I worry too much. Whatever will happen will happen, but this is just one of my girlish moments of angst - you know, the typical 'no one likes meeeee!'
ANYWAY,
sorry that this was a total whinefest. Ever since my Bffl got a bf I've been a little bit more sensitive about boys - I don't think it's because I'm jealous, I just think it's because sometimes I let my insecurities get the better of me and I compare myself to her a lot more. I've always said having a skinny best friend was God's biggest practical joke, but HEY, MORE OF ME TO LOVE.
:>
xoxo,
Hannah
QOTD:
So, what do you think is better? Having a lasting relationship in high school or having several fun ones?
But now I'm worried about other things, like if anyone will ask me to homecoming. I sometimes worry I come across as cold to guys - my last boyfriend I mistreated because I was in a bad mental place (DEPRESSION. IT MAKES YOU A MEAN PERSON TO PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT YOU) and even though I apologized and we are now back to being really great friends it really made me rethink how I act around boys. My mom was telling me how all these guys in high school and college that she's friends with now told her that they liked her and how completely taken she was by that.
I don't want that. I don't want to miss out on a relationship with a boy who is a genuine person because I was too cold or my standards were too high and that made him too scared to ask me to go out with him.
I don't know. It would just be really special if a guy asked me - I know that sometimes I'm a bit stuck up because I think I'm more mature than other people, but it would be really special to me.
I will make it clear that I don't want a horribly crazy commitment this year. It's not what I'm looking for. If I got a boyfriend it would totally be because we like each other and we want to spend time together and have a blast, but be VERY AWARE that college is ahead and that Senior year is NOT about being serious to the extent that I choose him over my school.
But just because I don't want to marry someone doesn't mean I don't want a boy to tell me that I am his first choice for homecoming...but I worry too much. Whatever will happen will happen, but this is just one of my girlish moments of angst - you know, the typical 'no one likes meeeee!'
ANYWAY,
sorry that this was a total whinefest. Ever since my Bffl got a bf I've been a little bit more sensitive about boys - I don't think it's because I'm jealous, I just think it's because sometimes I let my insecurities get the better of me and I compare myself to her a lot more. I've always said having a skinny best friend was God's biggest practical joke, but HEY, MORE OF ME TO LOVE.
:>
xoxo,
Hannah
QOTD:
So, what do you think is better? Having a lasting relationship in high school or having several fun ones?
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
9/8
Sorry I haven't posted in a while - things have been kind of swimming around in my head for a long time. I have a lot of things I want to talk about, but I tend to think of them right there in the moment and forget, so I'm going to have to start writing topics down.
Today I'm going to get real with you guys - I'm about to be grounded. I probably am going to lose my car, but I'm going to try and get my laptop taken instead (because, yes, HT is that kind of person) for the sake of practicality.
So what did I do?
I lied, for like a week. I pretended I took something to the Insurance agency, but I didn't. Because I got lost on the way there originally and I couldn't bring myself to tell my flaws. Two other people besides my family were involved with this lie. It's not the first time I've done something like this.
I am paralyzed by mistakes. We live in this society where mistakes aren't really tolerated - we are immediatly tossed out if we slip up; in school anything less than 10th percentile is considered a failure, grades are the same way. It's like all or nothing, especially in my school culture.
I'd like to shed a little light on you people who are vying for your first slots and cutting yourselves down for your placements in the class rank. I'm talking to you Whitney and Mel and all you other stupid people who complain about your 40th and 61st or 55th or whatever placements:
Stop being a teenager. It doesn't matter.
Now, to clarify, I realize that they were really only concerned right then, but still, how stupid and IMMATURE can we teenagers be? We are so dumb. We think that this stuff is SO important for our futures, but really we're just wallowing in our own misery for no reason.
That's exactly what my problem is. I'm wallowing in my misery because I'm to scared to face the fact that I'm NOT a robot - I'm a person with flaws who does things that are wrong. I am a very selfish person, I try to save my own skin, especially at home, ninenty-nine percent of the time. I lie, I have a problem with it.
When people at school tell me how great I am it just adds to this fear of rejection if I fall short of their expectations - the same goes for GPA's and essays and blah blah blah. I want to just rip my hair out and scream at them all that I'm not going to get it all right and I'm going to have to take regulars classes and I'm not so great at everything and it's okay because I'm a well-rounded, mature person about it.
But I won't because I'm a coward and there's another part of me that is stuck being a child because I denied myself all emotion for two and a half years and now suddenly I have to deal with them again.
I wish I was the person everyone at school thought I would be. I wish I didn't feel like I was faking it to them constantly; as if they could really know me and see the train wreck I am.
(hysterically enough people will praise me for admitting this - they'll hail me as humble or something like that)
Don't. Just accept me for who I am.
Another thing I'm having to realize about myself is that I can't blame everything on anyone else all the time. It's ridiculous - I am SO selfish. I don't even believe myself sometimes. No one likes to admit their faults but I'm so petrified I can't even bring myself to look at the problem and solve it; I just ignore it until the shit hits the fan and then we're all screwed. I don't mean to be that way, it just is the way I'm wired and I'm trying to not make as many excuses about it. I just have to deal with it. It's hard to understand what my parents or what my elders say when they just tell you to deal with it. When we're young everything seems catastrophic or elating because NONE of us are adults who can see the world for what it is. That's why I think they should raise the voting age, among other things, because really, what do I know about American society if I haven't really lived in it yet? I've been confined to this small sliver of the world.
God, I'm naiive - and I look at my peers and I think that they're so together, but then I realize there is NO WAY that they could be. They are in for just as rude an awakening. They have no idea, there's no way. They haven't lived it. They act like veterans of college - I don't even know where I'm going yet. Why am I forced to know so fast?
*GAH* Stress.
Just because I'm flawed doesn't mean I don't sympathize - I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings. I just finally understand that I have to deal with this because I'm not going to be a teenager forever and the whole dynamic of the world is about to shift and I have to be ready or it's going to just leave me.
I just wish people stopped pretending they weren't scared or anxious - that they'd stop making its eem like all the pieces of the puzzle are magically falling into place for them.
Just because I'm flawed doesn't mean that I'm not compassionate or that I love anyone any less. It just means I need God more than ever and that I need to figure this shit out or I'm going to get crushed by my own hands - I am my biggest enemy and that bad part is winning right now.
xoxo,
Hannah
PS: If you see me picking me my thumb at school, yell at me. It's cool. Just do it. :>
Today I'm going to get real with you guys - I'm about to be grounded. I probably am going to lose my car, but I'm going to try and get my laptop taken instead (because, yes, HT is that kind of person) for the sake of practicality.
So what did I do?
I lied, for like a week. I pretended I took something to the Insurance agency, but I didn't. Because I got lost on the way there originally and I couldn't bring myself to tell my flaws. Two other people besides my family were involved with this lie. It's not the first time I've done something like this.
I am paralyzed by mistakes. We live in this society where mistakes aren't really tolerated - we are immediatly tossed out if we slip up; in school anything less than 10th percentile is considered a failure, grades are the same way. It's like all or nothing, especially in my school culture.
I'd like to shed a little light on you people who are vying for your first slots and cutting yourselves down for your placements in the class rank. I'm talking to you Whitney and Mel and all you other stupid people who complain about your 40th and 61st or 55th or whatever placements:
Stop being a teenager. It doesn't matter.
Now, to clarify, I realize that they were really only concerned right then, but still, how stupid and IMMATURE can we teenagers be? We are so dumb. We think that this stuff is SO important for our futures, but really we're just wallowing in our own misery for no reason.
That's exactly what my problem is. I'm wallowing in my misery because I'm to scared to face the fact that I'm NOT a robot - I'm a person with flaws who does things that are wrong. I am a very selfish person, I try to save my own skin, especially at home, ninenty-nine percent of the time. I lie, I have a problem with it.
When people at school tell me how great I am it just adds to this fear of rejection if I fall short of their expectations - the same goes for GPA's and essays and blah blah blah. I want to just rip my hair out and scream at them all that I'm not going to get it all right and I'm going to have to take regulars classes and I'm not so great at everything and it's okay because I'm a well-rounded, mature person about it.
But I won't because I'm a coward and there's another part of me that is stuck being a child because I denied myself all emotion for two and a half years and now suddenly I have to deal with them again.
I wish I was the person everyone at school thought I would be. I wish I didn't feel like I was faking it to them constantly; as if they could really know me and see the train wreck I am.
(hysterically enough people will praise me for admitting this - they'll hail me as humble or something like that)
Don't. Just accept me for who I am.
Another thing I'm having to realize about myself is that I can't blame everything on anyone else all the time. It's ridiculous - I am SO selfish. I don't even believe myself sometimes. No one likes to admit their faults but I'm so petrified I can't even bring myself to look at the problem and solve it; I just ignore it until the shit hits the fan and then we're all screwed. I don't mean to be that way, it just is the way I'm wired and I'm trying to not make as many excuses about it. I just have to deal with it. It's hard to understand what my parents or what my elders say when they just tell you to deal with it. When we're young everything seems catastrophic or elating because NONE of us are adults who can see the world for what it is. That's why I think they should raise the voting age, among other things, because really, what do I know about American society if I haven't really lived in it yet? I've been confined to this small sliver of the world.
God, I'm naiive - and I look at my peers and I think that they're so together, but then I realize there is NO WAY that they could be. They are in for just as rude an awakening. They have no idea, there's no way. They haven't lived it. They act like veterans of college - I don't even know where I'm going yet. Why am I forced to know so fast?
*GAH* Stress.
Just because I'm flawed doesn't mean I don't sympathize - I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings. I just finally understand that I have to deal with this because I'm not going to be a teenager forever and the whole dynamic of the world is about to shift and I have to be ready or it's going to just leave me.
I just wish people stopped pretending they weren't scared or anxious - that they'd stop making its eem like all the pieces of the puzzle are magically falling into place for them.
Just because I'm flawed doesn't mean that I'm not compassionate or that I love anyone any less. It just means I need God more than ever and that I need to figure this shit out or I'm going to get crushed by my own hands - I am my biggest enemy and that bad part is winning right now.
xoxo,
Hannah
PS: If you see me picking me my thumb at school, yell at me. It's cool. Just do it. :>
Friday, September 3, 2010
9/3: Disney
*Disclaimer: CONTAINS HIGH AMOUNTS OF FLUFFY SAPPY GOODNESS*
Okay, I know I'm a hopeless fangirl, so here's my post for today: yet another gush about Disney, aka some of the best storytellers on this planet.
Yes, they skew the original plots, and YES, sometimes we wonder if that really is 'pc' by today's standards, but in the end they are amazing at what they do - which is give people of all ages that timeless romanticism that they miss day to day.
My favorite Disney movies are movies that I watch OVER AND OVER AGAIN. ALL THE TIME.
The scores alone keep me coming back - Pocahontas having one of the most brilliantly mastered soundtracks of any movie I've ever seen, and Hunchback not far behind - the music of both are so moving it will reduce you to tears if you're not careful.
Today I spent a lot of time sleeping because I'm out of commission atm with a nasty virus and dehydration, but after watching 'A Little Princess' I just watched tv, but my brain kept wandering to Disney. If I'd had any determination at all to move from the couch I would have immediatly gone to youtube to scour it for HQ versions of my favorites.
My imagination suits me fine as well though, because Disney has this uncanny ability to spark so much from just an hour of animation. My biggest problem is the romance.
I could write a book on why Pocahontas and Kocoum should have ended up together. They are by far, the most overlooked possibility ever. I mean really - what the movie failed to recognize was that because of Pocahontas's inherent resentment towards that foxyhawt Native counterpart of hers it wouldn't have been smooth sailing at all for them to be together. I contrive these fantasies of them as children, all sorts of scenarios that lead to their ultimate respect and eventual love for one another. That is always more beautiful to me than the frantic love of John Smith and Pocahontas. Yeah, they were old souls together, but KOCOUM IS SO BEAUTIFUL. And loyal and devoted and serious and DREAMY.
If anything he deserved to LIVE and get Nakoma at least.
The other is Peter Pan - gosh wouldn't it just be amazing if Peter Pan decided to grow up and stay with her? *HEART-THROBS*
Anyway, as I listen to the 'Farewell' score of Pocahontas (go look it up - it's too gorgeous for words) I am flooded by these girlish romantic thoughts.
I need to write some sort of drabble before my head explodes!
xoxo,
Hannah
Okay, I know I'm a hopeless fangirl, so here's my post for today: yet another gush about Disney, aka some of the best storytellers on this planet.
Yes, they skew the original plots, and YES, sometimes we wonder if that really is 'pc' by today's standards, but in the end they are amazing at what they do - which is give people of all ages that timeless romanticism that they miss day to day.
My favorite Disney movies are movies that I watch OVER AND OVER AGAIN. ALL THE TIME.
The scores alone keep me coming back - Pocahontas having one of the most brilliantly mastered soundtracks of any movie I've ever seen, and Hunchback not far behind - the music of both are so moving it will reduce you to tears if you're not careful.
Today I spent a lot of time sleeping because I'm out of commission atm with a nasty virus and dehydration, but after watching 'A Little Princess' I just watched tv, but my brain kept wandering to Disney. If I'd had any determination at all to move from the couch I would have immediatly gone to youtube to scour it for HQ versions of my favorites.
My imagination suits me fine as well though, because Disney has this uncanny ability to spark so much from just an hour of animation. My biggest problem is the romance.
I could write a book on why Pocahontas and Kocoum should have ended up together. They are by far, the most overlooked possibility ever. I mean really - what the movie failed to recognize was that because of Pocahontas's inherent resentment towards that foxyhawt Native counterpart of hers it wouldn't have been smooth sailing at all for them to be together. I contrive these fantasies of them as children, all sorts of scenarios that lead to their ultimate respect and eventual love for one another. That is always more beautiful to me than the frantic love of John Smith and Pocahontas. Yeah, they were old souls together, but KOCOUM IS SO BEAUTIFUL. And loyal and devoted and serious and DREAMY.
If anything he deserved to LIVE and get Nakoma at least.
The other is Peter Pan - gosh wouldn't it just be amazing if Peter Pan decided to grow up and stay with her? *HEART-THROBS*
Anyway, as I listen to the 'Farewell' score of Pocahontas (go look it up - it's too gorgeous for words) I am flooded by these girlish romantic thoughts.
I need to write some sort of drabble before my head explodes!
xoxo,
Hannah
Thursday, September 2, 2010
9/2
I think I'm coming down with a cold.
I'm all stuffed up and my throat is all scratchy, etc. etc.
Today nothing especially exciting happened - there were no real observations that I found worth recording for you guys, but maybe tomorrow something exciting will happen.
I love the rain - it's so peaceful. It's like the neighborhood encompasses the whole planet and I focus on what's going on outside. I've always wondered where birds sleep when it rains - do they sleep in bushes or nestled up against trees? Where do all the animals go? Do they do what they normally do or do they wait, so still and patient, for it to pass before they begin again?
Do animals sleep when it rains? Do the predators choose not to hunt?
I don't know - the therapy of rain is something that I think about often.
Has anyone read The Remains of the Day? We read an excerpt in English and it looked romantic. I haven't read a good romance in a while, especially since onemanga went down and now I can't have my daily dose of sugar encrusted shoujo...Kazuo Ishiguro(?) also has another one of his novels being made into a movie right now called "Never Let Me Go". It seems like something Whit and I would go see, haha!
It's British and Sappy, what more can a girl ask for? Maybe I should look into it...*thinks*
I need to look up my vocabulary words for English tomorrow too, now that I think about it. I really am excited for English to get going - the reading list looks good, even if tone is hard to pin down. SO FRUSTRATING. I don't know how its supposed to be objective when you're deciding the tone to something - isn't it strictly an interpretation? I don't know. //orz
ANYWAY: the vocabulary list for English is AWESOME! Such cool words! I can't wait to look them up.
It's stopped raining. I hope it starts again before I go to sleep.
(Question of the Day) QOTD: What's the most pretentious thing you've seen at school so far?
xoxo,
Hannah
I'm all stuffed up and my throat is all scratchy, etc. etc.
Today nothing especially exciting happened - there were no real observations that I found worth recording for you guys, but maybe tomorrow something exciting will happen.
I love the rain - it's so peaceful. It's like the neighborhood encompasses the whole planet and I focus on what's going on outside. I've always wondered where birds sleep when it rains - do they sleep in bushes or nestled up against trees? Where do all the animals go? Do they do what they normally do or do they wait, so still and patient, for it to pass before they begin again?
Do animals sleep when it rains? Do the predators choose not to hunt?
I don't know - the therapy of rain is something that I think about often.
Has anyone read The Remains of the Day? We read an excerpt in English and it looked romantic. I haven't read a good romance in a while, especially since onemanga went down and now I can't have my daily dose of sugar encrusted shoujo...Kazuo Ishiguro(?) also has another one of his novels being made into a movie right now called "Never Let Me Go". It seems like something Whit and I would go see, haha!
It's British and Sappy, what more can a girl ask for? Maybe I should look into it...*thinks*
I need to look up my vocabulary words for English tomorrow too, now that I think about it. I really am excited for English to get going - the reading list looks good, even if tone is hard to pin down. SO FRUSTRATING. I don't know how its supposed to be objective when you're deciding the tone to something - isn't it strictly an interpretation? I don't know. //orz
ANYWAY: the vocabulary list for English is AWESOME! Such cool words! I can't wait to look them up.
It's stopped raining. I hope it starts again before I go to sleep.
(Question of the Day) QOTD: What's the most pretentious thing you've seen at school so far?
xoxo,
Hannah
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